It’s no secret that social media is crawling with political discussion, frustration, and opinions right now. And no doubt, your in-person conversations carry a bit of that too. Even 3000 miles away in Madrid, Spaniards are asking what my thoughts are about the election. It’s stressful! I have opinions…and a temper. Personally, it’s been hard to know how to react, so these are some questions I wrote to help me. I wrote them to myself, because first and foremost, I know I need to work on these things. But I’m posting them here because I don’t think I’m the only one.
Becky, are you defending your convictions or yourself? Having strong opinions that differ with people you love is ok. And defending those opinions is ok. But opinions aren’t people. People are more than opinions. Your identity is not completely embodied by your opinions. As you’re standing up for what you believe in, remember not to take it personally or make it personal. Character assassination and writing people off are not the answer.
Are you helping someone understand, Becky, or are you just trying to make someone feel stupid? You love a good quip, but while being witty and feeling superior may feel good, they’re not actually that effective for changing someone’s mind. In fact, when someone tries to throw a one-liner at you, you know you lose any desire to listen to them. Becky, If you really believe people can change (if you really want unity in the church or in the nation), spend less energy sounding impressive and more trying to help others learn and grow.
Are you seeking a solution or just validation? You know how you get with validation, Becky. Especially when an issue is controversial, it’s easy to comb through everyone for the people who agree with you, so that you feel right. But this often leads to an echo chamber. It makes an Us/Them worldview really appealing…which only leads to ganging up on “them” (whoever the Them to your Us is). And all without any opposition present, so you just feel good. We got problems. So we’re going to need solutions. And realistic, sustainable solutions are only going to happen by coming together and looking for them—not by self-isolating in our political camps so we can feel validated.
Are you showing love or showing off, Becky? As a Christian, you claim to believe in Jesus. You claim He’s a big part of your life. You claim He loves people. Well all these beliefs are just cute little balls of fluff unless you start putting your money where your mouth is. Show love. And not just to the people you like, but even more so (well it’ll take more effort) to the ones you can’t stand. And be honest, you like for people to think you’re nice and sweet, but you know that a lot of what’s in your heart is nowhere near nice.
Are you being honest, Becky? Or are you trying to exist only where people already agree with you so you feel validated? Do you clam up when someone disagrees with you? (Yes you do.) Is it because you dislike conflict or fear looking stupid? (Both!) Conflict is healthy. Most conflict is not a sign that you need to break ties with someone. If you’re going to have strong beliefs and opinions, you need to be ready to stand up for them (*for* them, not against another person). Be willing to listen. Be willing to learn. Learning and changing your mind are not defeat; they signify growth. An easy way to stunt growth is a refusal to change.
Don’t forget to breathe, Becky. Before you open your mouth. Before you leave an angry comment. Before you get pissed off and speak or act out of that anger. Before you write someone off. I know you hate it when Mom tells you to calm down and take a deep breath—just like one her preschoolers. After all, you’re not a dumb baby! (Kidding! Babies are great. I love babies.) But the truth is, breathing not only gives your brain oxygen, but it slows you down long enough to act out of rational thought and kindness rather than out of impulse. And you know we could use kindness a lot more than impulsivity right now.
Thanks for reading all the way to the end ;) I hope these encouraged and challenged you like they have me <3
I'm sure it's stressful living in one country and being forced to be the "ambassador" for the country in which you were born, same! Loved reading this, and you're right, writing people off in this cancel culture is all too easy and not what believers are called to do. Unfortunately, so many "believers" are deliberately choosing to surround themselves with only like-minded people (Parler, anyone?), just like Jesus did - NOT! He engaged humans of all persuasions.
You'd definitely not the only one who needs to work on these things. Thankfully you appear to have the maturity and wisdom to recognize this and do the actual work. And wait now, are you telling us you're not nice and sweet? I…