ANGRY!

Lately I’ve been angry. And I want to talk about it.

As a Christian, there are times when I’ve felt ill-equipped to deal with my anger in a constructive way. Sometimes I feel like there are only two options. One would be to “turn the other cheek” and suppress my anger completely (a misinterpretation of the phrase, I might add); the other would be to embrace it so fully that it consumes me. I need a third option. So I’m here to offer it.

First of all, let me just assuage any doubt and remind you that, even as a person of faith, it’s completely normal and healthy to experience anger and to express it. None of our emotions are too much for God to handle. He’s big enough for all of them. We see David expressing deep anger in several psalms, and we read about Job crying out in frustrated, confused anger. Neither of them were consumed by their anger, but neither did they suppress it. They looked their anger straight in the eye, brought it to God, and addressed it. And I want to do the same.

A good place to start is probably by asking ‘Why am I angry?’ Currently, there are a couple of reasons.

For one, I’ve been angry because of things going on in the world. I’m sure you can think of your own examples, but when I wrote the first draft of this months ago, I was angry about the war in Gaza and all the innocent lives being lost. I’m still angry about that, but new things get added to the list each day. There is so much injustice and evil out there that it’s natural to get angry. Some days it feels unbearable. To top it off, as a Christian, there is a special kind of anger I experience when I see the Church respond incorrectly to injustice.

I’ve seen many Christians avoid the topic of injustice and those who are suffering from it because they want to keep their hands clean. They want to know all the facts before they “take sides” and reach out to help (because heaven forbid they help the wrong side). It brings to mind the priest and the Levite in the story of the good Samaritan.

We often mistake Jesus’s call to holiness for a call to sanitization of people and issues. The result is that we come nowhere near hurting people or their messy lives. But in Mark 2:17, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” Jesus doesn’t want us to avoid “unholy” people and their confusing issues of injustice. He actually wants us to meet them, know them, and love them where they’re at.

I say all of this as if I only see other Christians doing it, but I think the reason it makes me so angry is because I look in the mirror and see that same tendency in myself. And I hate that. I wish with all my heart I could eradicate this behavior from the entire church in one fell swoop. I can’t. But recognizing it in my own heart is one place to start.

So that’s one reason I’m angry. But to be transparent, there’s another reason too. 

I’m also angry because I feel deeply disappointed in certain areas of my life and disappointment isn’t something we like to talk about in church. Personally, I can’t stand it when I express disappointment and another Christian responds with, “Keep praying, keep praising. Worship is your weapon,” or some other pat answer. Is that really what Jesus would have said?

Other well-meaning people have tried to encourage me by saying, “I’ve been where you are before. And God brought me through, so He’ll bring you through too.” But even that can leave me wondering what to do with my feelings of disappointment and anger while I’m waiting. Sometimes it feels like my pain is being disregarded or cheapened, and that never feels good.

One area where I’ve experienced this is the subject of marriage. I work in ministry and the majority of my coworkers are married. And while marriage is something I want, it hasn’t happened for me yet. This has (understandably) led to some deep disappointment, but my coworkers don’t always know how to handle that.

I once overheard one of my ministry leaders say, “There are a lot of single missionaries now. I miss the days when my wife and I first got to the field. It was all young families back then.” I believe he said it out of nostalgia, not out of disdain for unmarried people. But at a time when I already felt so lonely, it was like the last nail in the coffin saying, “You’re not wanted here.”

I share this story to say that sometimes the worst part of anger isn’t just feeling angry, but on top of that feeling alone.

There have been moments where I’ve wondered, is there anyone else out here like me - trying to follow Jesus, but surrounded by Christians who are in a different life season and feeling out of place? Anyone else who loves Jesus but sees the church acting tone deaf to those hurting the most? Is there anyone else wondering how we could possibly be following the same Jesus?

Maybe all of this is resonating. Maybe you’re dealing with anger for a different reason. Or maybe you’re a unicorn who never feels angry. At the very least, I hope this can help you understand those who do. But whatever the case, I want to offer three simple truths that I hope can help you as much as they have helped me.

First, please know that you’re not alone. I’m right here with you - wrestling, angry, disappointed, confused. But even more importantly, Jesus is with you in your anger. When I look at Jesus (I mean really look at Jesus’s life and ministry, not just think about the church people I know) I remember that I’m not alone. I see someone who responded to oppression with righteous anger. I see someone who responded to people’s pain with compassion and gentleness - even when those people weren’t very holy. I see someone who didn’t promise me I’d get every good thing I ever wanted nor that I would understand everything going on around me, but who did promise me His constant presence and everlasting love.

Second, if you’re angry at oppression or injustice you see going on in the world - or worse, in the church - I want to encourage you, be angry but don’t get stuck there. Be an agent of justice. Be an agent of what we need more of in the world and (if you’re a Christian) more of in the church. Go out and change things. That’s what Jesus did, that’s what I want to do, and that’s what I want to challenge you to do. Stand up for the oppressed and the weak. The Jesus I follow said, “The Kingdom of God is here,” and then he went out and brought healing, hope, and relationship to people who needed it. Instead of getting stuck in anger, go do that.

It might look like starting a conversation instead of getting angry and shutting down when people say hateful things. (I’m looking at myself here.) It might be putting your money where your mouth is and donating to help those in need. Maybe it’s educating others on issues you’re passionate about, but doing it with gentleness. It’s taken a lot of different forms in my life, but I know this: I want to be a person of character, a person who brings more justice, kindness, and humility into the world. That’s who Jesus was, and that’s who I want to be.

Lastly, I want to encourage you to hold the tension. Don’t get stuck in bitterness but also don’t give up. We live in a world where technology inundates us with the suffering and wrongdoing going on all over the world at any time. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed and helpless. It’s so tempting to just become numb to it. I’m just one person. What difference could I possibly make?

And when it comes to personal disappointment and anger, I can get very fixated on the reality of my pain. I don’t want to take my eyes off it - even for one second, even to look at the kindness of Jesus. To give my attention to anything else feels like giving up, like saying, “My pain wasn’t that important after all.”

I’ve gotten trapped in both of these ways of thinking. And while I know I can’t ignore the things that make me angry, I also know that if I let my anger overtake me, I’ll end up bitter, ineffective, and simply not the person I want to be.

So I’m learning how to hold the tension between what’s here and what’s hoped for. What’s real and uncomfortable and unavoidable - and what’s necessary, beautiful, and must not be given up on. I believe holding the tension is a skill like balance or flexibility that has to be exercised. And I know that when you’re already feeling alone, the in-between can be a solitary place to be, but I promise you it’s worth it.

I’ll leave you with these lyrics from the song “Citizens” by Jon Guerra. They have encouraged me in times of deep anger and I hope they can do the same for you:

I need to know there is justice

That it will roll in abundance

And that you’re building a city

Where we arrive as immigrants

And you call us citizens

And you welcome us as children home

Is there a way to love always?

Living in enemy hallways

Don’t know my foes from my friends and

Don’t know my friends anymore

Power has several prizes

Handcuffs can come in all sizes

Love has a million disguises

But winning is simply not one